To even the score…

Due to the preponderance of posts about british men, I think I need to even the score a little.

November 21, 2007 | Filed Under General | 12 Comments 

“Am I Gay?” Self Examination for Men

Work was incredibly quiet today, so I was sent home early. As I’m sitting here, I realise I have two choices. First, I could spend this unexpected afternoon crafting up an incredibly original and interesting post for your enjoyment. Or, secondly, I could go and drink beer in the sun.

So without further ado, enjoy this hystierical list that I did not create, but rather stole straight from a chain email.

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven’t sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay — it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog… “Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!” Now think about how you call a cat…”Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!” Jeeezus, you’re fit to be framed, you’re so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man’s world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates wherever he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a “Decaf Soy Latte”. If you’ve put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you’ve had a man there, too. (Ok, couldn’t resist one little addition - apparently, it could be the soy that is actually making the people gay!. How weird.)

6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn’t have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a “fressier” is you’re gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you’re dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the
verge of being a fudgepacker. (Told you it was from my email box.)

November 19, 2007 | Filed Under Humour | 5 Comments 

Movember

November seems to be a popular month for causes and organisations. There’s NaNoWriMo, which always seemed slightly crazy to me. I mean, cool, write a novel, but why try to do it in one month? Won’t that result in a piece of work which is rushed and seriously sub-par? There’s also NaBloPoMo. which is slightly better, but still seems like a way to force substandard content out…

The greatest incarnation of November is undoubtedly Movember. Across multiple countries, men unite under a single cause, returning to the seventies by growing (or, rather, trying to grow) a nice, thick moustache in support of Prostate Cancer Awareness, and general man-ness.

I wasn’t planning on taking part. While a keen observer, and supporter of the cause (the world needs more facial hair, and less prostate cancer) I had already cultivated a rather stunning beard / goatee which had taken a good amount of time - I didn’t relish the idea of shaving a good part of it off, or even starting afresh for a month.

benbeard.jpg

But then everything changed. Or should I say, my mind got changed for me.

November 19, 2007 | Filed Under Alcoholic, Cool Stuff | 18 Comments 

Upgrades

Reading Jayne’s post made me decide that it really was time to finally upgrade to WP 2.3. I held off initially because it threatened to break lots of things, but now most plugins and themes have been updated to comply with the new structure.

Initially I wanted to use an automatic upgrade plugin, but it failed so I had to do everything manually, which took a bit more time. Still, it went without a hitch, and now here I am, all upgraded.

Even got around to installing a database manager so it’s nice and easy to back everything up.

All that’s left is to tinker with this theme (or, alternatively choose a different one) to use the new tagging features… but that can be a job for another day.

Edit: Ok, there were issues. Couldn’t post anything for a while there. Kept getting a weird issue. Turns out the Sitemaps plugin was conflicting, and needed to be updated. All should be fine now.

November 17, 2007 | Filed Under Geek | 2 Comments 

Overheard on the bus

The things you can hear on the bus can be quite disconcerting. Like the group of twelve year olds that piled on behind me today.

“Have you ever done the vertical bungie there?”

“Yeah of course, it’s fucking awesome”

“Yeah, but have you ever done it on acid?”

God I hope they’re just trying to sound cool. If not, it could be worse. I mean, I didn’t think people even did Acid these days - isn’t it all P, P, and more P?

November 16, 2007 | Filed Under General | 4 Comments 

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